Whispers In The Water

Today was beautifully chaotic—just how I needed it. Work consumed me, and for once, I was grateful. A full schedule keeps my mind from wandering too far… from drifting into the depths of decisions I haven’t made yet. It silences the ache, if only temporarily. Because when everything quiets down, that question always returns: Do I keep trying… or do I finally let go?

You’d think the answer would be clear by now. But love doesn’t play by logic’s rules. Especially not when you’ve fought so hard to hold something together. I’m a Leo—through and through. Fierce, loyal, unapologetically stubborn. This lioness protects her pride. But I’m also a woman of deep faith, and that adds a different kind of weight to every choice.

I keep asking… If I walk away, am I disappointing God? Or would staying be the real betrayal—to Him, to myself? I don’t know. Sometimes I think He’s sending me signs, and sometimes I wonder if I’m just too afraid to see them. The jury’s still out on that one.

Lately, the only place I can really breathe is in my bath at night. It’s my sanctuary. My confessional. The one place I can be fully bare—in every sense of the word. Where my skin is warm, the water soft, and the silence comforting. I let my thoughts unravel there… my prayers and my hopes.

Sometimes I whisper God’s name. Sometimes… I whisper his.

There’s a part of me that wonders if this storm is meant to wash me clean. To awaken something in me I’ve been too scared to fully claim. Maybe choosing myself isn’t selfish. Maybe it’s sacred. Maybe it’s the first step toward the life—and the love—I’ve always deserved.

What I do know is this: I’m not the same woman I was yesterday. I’ve seen too much, felt too deeply, prayed too hard. And as hard as it is… I’m becoming something more.

And that? That feels divine.